The beginning

Today was the first day of treatment. I was unreal nervous all day long. However, I was excited a little because I know I one day closer to being happy and healthy. My husband picked me at 3:00 and we drove to the treatment center. My heart was racing the whole way! It was like I really was running a race. I do believe this race will be harder than any I've ever ran...even tougher than the marathons  I've ran. When we got to the building to walk in...I started getting teary eyed due to fear. What will they think of me? What will they make me do?....I even stood at the door and told my husband I wasn't going in. I wouldn't have if I didn't have him with me!!! The people there were very welcoming. We got a tour and had a sign a TON of paperwork. I started getting overwhelmed. Then, when I signed the paper about the date I will exit...I cried. I had thought this whole time I would be done by Dec. But, I won't be done until mid Feb! I left sad cause I just don't know if I can do this..but I have an awesome husband and an amazing Father who will carry me when I can't go. God knew exactly the kind of husband I would need...I couldn't ask for more!!
 My little brother is always trying to encourage me. At the lowest point of my day, he sent me a picture of a lady with jogging stroller  with her baby about to go for a run. I want that!!!  It's awful that as much as I want kids that I continue to do harm to my body.  I know my body is a temple and  The Lord has given me the ability to  run like I do.  I want to be able to run years and years from now. I'd love to be able to run with my grandchildren one day. But, I may not even be able to have children do to my sickness. And all I have to do is eat healthy, and not binge and purge! Sounds easy, but not for me.
 As my psychologist appointment, she was asking about my family. I was telling her about my little brother and how I've seen God work a miracle in his life.  About 5 try's ago he got really sick. No Dr could figure out what was wrong. We were told he had cancer, multiple times. He was told he had  celiac disease, a tumor...and so many other things. However, no DR. Could figure out what it really was. We went all other country trying to seek the best help for him...but the Dr's told my mom we are sorry, we don't know. However, God did!!! Through the power of prayer and the healing hand of God, he was healed. He is now serving God at Virginia Tech  and going to be a physical therapist. He wants to give  others hope. I know he has given me so much encouragement over my life. I also know that the same God that healed my brother, can heal me!!
         You O' lord are the  one who conquers giants. You shut the mouth of lions.. You call the dead to breathe. You are the one who walks on fire. You take the orphans hands.  So....I know Lord I can do this with you. Help me Lord see my worth in you. I am your child. Thank you...thank you. Thank you.

Fear vs Faith

I've had a great couple of days lately. God is so good to me. Sunday I got to go to church not only with my husband, but with my bro, sister-in-law, and my two precious nieces. I love when we can all be together learning more about Jesus, study his word, and sing praises to him. Sundays are probably my favorite day of the week. Almost every Sunday I go run and while I run I just pray to God. I give him my thoughts, my feelings, and my prayers. I love just seeing his creation with every step. I come back and get ready listening to my husband sing praises while we get ready. I make him breakfast only on Sundays. I enjoy it. I love,love,love to cook and bake and I pray one day that I will be able to sit and eat breakfast with him. It sounds so easy...eat breakfast?! Yes, I can't do it...yet. I go to a church that feeds my soul. My Sunday school teacher is so awesome! I could sit and listen to him all day long. I had the privilege to be able to teach his now 10yr old in first grade. It was her who invited me to church there. I was looking for the right church for me. We'll, I found it! I've been going to Faith for 7 years now. I have grown so much there. The Pastor is the best Pastor I've ever met!! I got married at Faith and I pray that I am able to maybe one day start a Christian pre-K program there. Gods been speaking to me about that and I'm so excited! But...may he just continue to show me his will. This Sunday, the sermon was on worrying. I think it was wrote for me!!! All my life I have worried very day. I've literally worried myself sick a couple times. Has worrying done any good? No! Has worrying helped? No! Has it done anything but give the Devil a smile? No! God tells us not to do it. He tells us not to worry about ANYTHING!!! I can't really remember a day ever in my life that I haven't worried. The Pastor really hit me hard when he said my worrying is a sin. I mean, if God tells us not to worry and we do, then it's sin. So, this week my focus has been to not worry. It's a hr by hr struggle for me. I've been so worried lately about treatment. What's is going to be like? How will I get enough rest(it's till 8:30, 4days a week and an hr from home). How will I get my lesson plans done and the housework done while I go? Will it last 3 months(the minimum treatment)or will they say I need more? How will we afford it? Do I really even deserve treatment or need it? ...and so much more worries! But, all those worries has done nothing except give me bad stomach aches, horrible headaches, loss of sleep(I sleep about 4.5hrs a day)...and many more worries. But what I need to so is live for today..not tomorrow! I serve and love a God who can take all those worries and say "leave it to me!" We can trust our God. He knows what he's doing. Though it may hurt now...he will hold us up and never leave us. Always! God has never,never failed me. He's never not met any need I had. I worried in school-will my family spilt?-No...God took care of it! I worried about getting in college-God tool care of it and allowed me to go to a Christian school and run for him. I worried about getting a job-God took care of it and let me teach at the exact school I asked him to. I worried (made myself sick I worried so much)about my brother who Doctors said we don't know what's wrong and that there is not hope-God healed him!!! I worried I would never get married-I've had 3months happily married to a man that I asked God for...I could go on and on. God never fails! So, all my worries about the unknown and the future is in the best hands of all! Let your fear drop to the ground...get on your knees and take the first step of the unknown, he won't let me down. It's time to live a life of Faith over Fear! Thank you Father...