Celebration of new life

I've had about two weeks at home on my own. My first day back at work was kinda weird. A lot of people didn't know (nor will they ever!) why I was gone. Everyone was super welcoming and giving me hugs. Some figured it out and Thank God they didn't say anything. We are really like a family at work and I can't thank the Lord enough for the people I work with. They have been there for me in many difficult times in my life. Some of the teachers took my husband food, many text him to see how I was doing, and some even wrote me letters. WHY?! Why do you love me so much!? They have servant's hearts. God knew I needed to be here when my brother was dying, when my grandma died, and when I would face the hardest battle in my own life. They prayed for me. Lord, I pray you will bless our staff. Bless our students. May our school be one where the teachers lift your name up and use us to bring glory to your name.

As far as my meal plan has been going, I have followed it 98%. I am afraid not to, because it could lead to a spiral downhill. My weight hasn't changed at all and I am almost to the point where if it did go up, I would be ok with it. I am eating healthy, exercising in a healthy way, and treating it the best I can...what else can I do? I really enjoy eating now. I love making my husband dinner again. I've even learned I LOVE steak!!! I've eaten steak 3 times since I've been home. I've never had it....ever! I made spaghetti and meatballs last night for us(a huge former fear food) and didn't even think once about calories or irrational thoughts. We made homemade ice cream together after that and used the ice cream  toppings my little brother got us for Christmas (he made us an ice cream basket full of ice cream related things...perfect gift!). We sat by our fireplace and watched a movie together....Thank you Father for my life! I have been redeemed! :)

I know that I must continue and I think it's vital that I get at least a dietician. I know I'm not "cured" and I need to take it day by day. I have a wonderful Dr, psychologist, and Pastor that is in my aftercare. I am working on getting a great dietician. I knew that going back to outpatient wasn't right for me. It took me away from my husband, I never slept(never home till 9:30 each night), and I had nobody to eat dinner with and it was sooo easy to not eat. My therapy is being home. It's where my heart is.

Last Saturday my husband threw me a surprise  birthday party!!! That morning I went to my school to catch up on school work. I was supposed to meet my best friend at Starbucks(she lives an hr away) around 2:00. However, it snowed. It was getting pretty bad outside and I was hungry  so I decided I needed to head home. I wasn't going to text him and say I'm coming home, but I decided to. Good thing I did or else I would've ruined the surprise (everyone was there setting it up). He was like "umm, you want to go eat at Zaxby's? I really didn't want to, but I said ok. Although we usually ate their about once a week together, I had a little hard time eating. I am not sure why. But, I brushed it off and told myself to eat and enjoy just being together. Then we headed home. I opened the door and saw about 3 baby car seats, then decorations, and screamed. I was shaking due to being overwhelmed. My parents, my in-laws, my older brother and his girls, friends from church, and my friend I work with came. My friend I was meeting at Starbucks was the one who was supposed to keep me away until it was time for the party.  When she couldn't come due to the snow, my husband was in panic. haha Anyways, that birthday was the best birthday I've had in years. For me, it was like a celebration of my new healthy life. Everyone there knew about me being in inpatient except for two people. I thank God for each one of them. For them to take time out of their day (and many lived 2 hrs away) to come celebrate with me was so nice! Our whole house was decorated and we had ice cream cake, and lots of other snacks. For me to be able to eat ice cream cake after just eating lunch and not even care is huge! I dreaded this birthday sooo much because I felt like I am no where near where I wanted to be in life-have lots of babies....but so far it's been the best! The people in my life don't love me if I run fast, eat lots of cake, stay a certain size, or any other silly reason....They just love me! Just like I love them! Just like JESUS loves us all!!!!  That night my little nieces (5 hrs old and 1) spend the night.  We had so much fun! My husband, me, and the girls all curled up by out fireplace and watched Lady and the Tramp(my nieces pick).  It  gave me a glimpse of how my life could be in a fee years if I continue to stay healthy, and if God allows.  That night, we made a huge big fort in our living room and the girls and I slept in it. Well, they do. I couldn't sleep at all because I am WAY over protective and stayed up pretty much all night to make sure they were ok.  I was exhausted the next morning, haha.  That Sunday mornings I it the girls ready for church and we all sat down together at the table to eat breakfast together. I could've cried  tears of happiness. My heart was overjoyed! We prayed and thanked God for the food and My husband read the girls a Bible story. My 5 yr old niece said it back to him almost word for word.   My husband I and I pray for out three nieces and our nephew daily. We pray that they ask Jesus into their heart. I pray that they see themselves as God does and not care about what the world says about them. The word doesn't give us value....but we are valuable in. The Lord. Thank you Father for giving me another year. I am excited to see the plans you have for my husband and me. Thank you for giving me MANY more chances on getting my life back. You are a God who loves unconditionally. You never give up on your children.
Even when I didn't hold on to you, you held on to me.