Well, I just got home from inpatient. I was there for a month. I left the day after Christmas....so first I want to write about how awesome Christmas was. It was my first Christmas married and I was beyond devastated when I was told I need to go the day I get off work and stay all Christmas break and more. No way!! I cried so many tears off that, that I'm surprised I still have any tears left!! Christmas for me was my favorite holiday. It's the celebration of birth of Christ!! I have a husband I want to be with, two precious little nieces (5 and 1), two brothers, and my parents. You can't take me away from them! However, after many tears we all decided it's best. We could celebrate Christmas after I got out. I felt like I was ruining everyone's Christmas! My nieces would not understand why their (favorite, haha) aunt wasn't there. My husband would be all alone as well!!! However, God somehow worked it out that I would be able to go the day after. He heard my request and allowed it to work out. God is able. So Christmas was awesome as it always is. I spent Christmas Eve with my in laws. I truly thank God for them. We had such a great time. My favorite part was sitting by the fire reading the Christmas story together. My father in law is a pastor and I just look to him in so many ways. He has been such a great help through all of this. They got us an ice cream maker !! Perfect !! :) Then we headed home to my parents to spend the night. It was a great road trip talking to my husband, but I knew my heart was heavy because time was coming to an end with us temporarily.
Christmas Eve my mom and I made all our Christmas candy and we watched a great Christmas movie as a family. It really enjoyed seeing my " little" brother too. I look at him and think God is able .
Christmas morning I woke up and went running. I ran 8 miles...but I wanted to run until my legs fell off. I knew it would be the last time I world be running until after I get home. My compulsion to run that morning showed me once again, I do need help. After my fun, I got ready to spend the best Cheistmas of my life with the ones I love most. Words can't express how thankful I am for my family. I loved sitting by my husband and seeing him open presents. I loved seeing my little 1 yr old niece open hers. As I was opening the gifts , I looked around and thought about how good God is. He is the ultimate gift.
I hated leaving that evening for thousands of reasons. The #1 reason was because I knew it meant I would be able to see or talk to them for a month. I couldn't talk my moms leftovers or any if the Christmas candy we made, or even really enjoy my Christmas presents because I had to go back home and pack for inpatient. While we drove back I played mind games with myself and told myself I really didn't need it. I really could stop on my own. I would just eat more and run less. I could do it!! However, I knew deep down that only God is able.
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