Give me eyes to see Lord

I am legally blind without my glasses or contacts. I literally can see nothing without them.  Even though I can see perfect with my contacts, I feel like at times  I still can’t see clearly. All my life Ive looked  in the mirror and hated what I see. But if I look  through the eyes of God I should see a beautiful lady. Umm no. All I seen was someone with so many imperfections and well..ugly. . Never good enough. But if my girls felt that way I would cry! They are perfect in every way cause God made them the way he wanted. When we tell our girls how smart or  how pretty they are we try to tell  they respond because God made me that way.
I think my whole entire 33 yrs of life I’ve tried to find love....no matter where I looked I couldn’t find it. But, that ridiculous because my parents loved me unconditionally. Most importantly I have a Father who loves me!!Why can’t I see it? I think at times I’ve not felt like even Jesus doesn’t love me. I mean why would he? I could see why he would love someone like my husband, my Pastors wife, or a few women at our church...but me?!? Umm no. I have questioned my salvation. I questioned everything lately. Am I saved? Even though I asked Jesus into my heart at 12 yr old did I mean it? I’ve tried since that day to honor his commandments, to bear fruit, and to show others Christ. But yet, at the same time I have felt so sad and so angry still at times. Anger that is scary. Sadness that is scary. How can that be? What was wrong with me?
 After a long talk with our Pastor, he reassured me of my salvation(well..he isn’t the judge but...) but I just have a hard time defeating Satan’s lies about myself and anger(sin). Depression is real. OCD is real. I haven’t let go of the pain of my past. Even more so I haven’t seen with the eyes of Jesus.
Oh but these last few months I have been! I AM LOVED. I am HIS child. I don’t deserve it no, but He loves me!! I’ve cried so many happy tears lately just thinking about that.
I can count my blessings instead of my problems. I can smile even though I hate my smile. I can look at myself in the mirror and be ok with it. I can live what I’ve said for the last 21 yrs.  Oh to see through HIS eyes! It’s beautiful!! The best part is that one day I will see beauty that we can’t even comprehend yet. I will see the people I’ve read about in the Bible! Oh and even better....I will see the one who loves me more than I can comprehend.