Grace....1 Cor. 15:10 says "But by grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. 2 Cor. 9-10, say "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. These verses really speak to my heart. They show me that when I am weak..HE is strong. Where my weaknesses are God shines through. When I fail, I still have every reason to praise Him. His grace lifts me up so that others can see HIM at work. I can be joyful, even when the going gets tough, because HIS power can be made known even more. This past July, I married the man of my dreams. I am very blessed. I have a husband who loves me way more than I could ever ask for. He is my rock. He is truly the one God had for me.He loves the Lord with all his heart. I waited a long time for him. Being 29 and never married was hard and lonely many days, but I am so glad I waited. I cherish reading Gods word everyday with him. I love praying with him. We make a conscience effort to keep God first in our marriage because we know it will crumble if we don't. I also love his family. His father is a Pastor and I look to him for guidance. I am very blessed to be added to his family. Being a newlywed is awesome, but it also brought alot of stress as well. I was terrified I was to our honeymoon...because I would have to eat! Sad huh? I had not ate 3 meals in over 4 or 5 years. I prayed to God daily leading up to our wedding that he would help be carefree and not worry about calories, but to just enjoy a once in a lifetime experience. For one week of my life , I didn't run a mile and I ate everything and anything I wanted. There were 0 negative thoughts. It was the only time in my life that I felt free! However, now my thoughts are full blown...every single minute of my day. Ive tried for the last 10yrs to fight this battle on my own. Ive tried to give it to God. I have ed and failed each time. I have soooo many "rules" about food. I still struggle with anorexic thoughts, and still don't eat enough. I have binges and binges more now than ever. I am an anorexic mind set lady in a bulemic body and need help. I had my breaking point when I thought I was going to die a couple weeks ago. I ate half a pizza, a large order of cheesesticks, and half a cake! Then...threw it up. I thought my heart was going to stop. I keep going though because I had to get every morsel of food out.Pizza is "bad food." The sad thing is even though I thought I was going to die that day...Ive binged sooo many more times. I don't want this disease to kill me. My God is greater than anything and I know I can conquer it! I'm tired of living a lie. I'm ready to be free! I went to my husband for help and he is 100% supportive. We have prayed which route to take. I will be getting help soon.Then other days I just don't eat hardly at all. Its a never ending cycle. I will be going to an outpatient program that is one of the best in my state. I had to complete a 2hr interview to get into treatment and go to the Dr to complete many tests and bloodwork. I remember answering the questions from the interview and they were deep..it was hard. The Dr visit wasn't any easier because I hated the fact that I had even tried to "trick her". She was so supportive(a Christian)and of course has known for years. She told me the sweetest and most encouraging thing when I left. She said, "you know who lives inside of you...you can do this! She is so right. I cant do it(or anything on my own)...but I have a father, a King, a Savior who will help get through this. :) I know I can finish this race strong, so that when I see Jesus, He will be proud that I, his servant, worked for his glory. God's grace gives us so much to live for and hope and joy for every moment. It is time for me to quit focusing on myself so much and start winning souls for HIM....that is much more filling than a bowl of ice cream.