Today is September 19.2013. Its the first day of training. I'm going to run a race. The race will be the hardest race that I've ever ran.I have been running since I was 10 yrs old. It's what my family does. I watched my Dad run as a child and my two brothers as well. I knew no other life style but to run. God blessed us with talent. My Dad was the most amazing runner I know. I wanted to be just as good as him. I was blessed enough to run college xc at a Christian University and I wanted to bring God glory through running. I wanted to be the best! 1 Cor. 4:7 says For who makes you different than anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not? This book tells alot about how we are not our own, but we belong to Christ. I would be nothing without him. I am a human and I sin, but everything I have, possession, talent, opportunity, and just life is a gift from God. I want to live my life for HIM and to bring him glory...but right now I know I'm not. I am struggling with something that has taken a hold of me and won't let go. In college, I was the second fastest girl on the team and the fastest girl was way smaller than me. In my mind, in order to get faster I thought I needed to lose a little weight. I began to cut out EVERYTHING that was not low calorie, low fat, and sugar free. That left me with a diet of oatmeal, grilled chicken, and apples. That's basically what I lived and ran off of. I counted every calorie I put in my body. Hours were spent adding up numbers, subtracting calories burned from running, and planning meals ahead of time so I would know exactly what to eat and what was "acceptable." It was exhausting mentally and physically. I didn't mean to lose alot of weight, just enough to look like a "real runner." I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I was training hard and eating a disciplined diet. But my "disciplined diet" and endless miles of running took a tole on my body. It got out of control. 1 Cor. 6:19-2- says " Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body. You see, when I asked Jesus into my heart in the 8th grade, I was given the Holy Spirit to live in me and guide me. I was bought by Christ at the price of death on a cross; that is what has given me everything I have, not my own works. God gave me this body and my abilities to be a tool for HIM, so this really hits me hard as a a runner. Every race, people see me running. I want everything I say and do to be pointing to the ONE who gave me the ability. To honor God with my body in this situation would be to give everything I have to do my best and let Him take care of the rest. I must use every stop of my life to reflect who He is, and stay humble. My goal is to lift him higher....but right now, I know I'm not. I'm not treating my body like he wants. I'm treating my body like I'm a prisoner. College xc was some of the greatest memories I have. I loved my team. We were best friends and spent everyday day together. Weekends were spent traveling and racing. I was having the time of my life!....but I wasn't treating my body like a temple. I hated it. Every part of it. I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I was fat. I did however love how my clothes fell off of me, how I became the fastest runner on my team and how I felt like I was in control. I would pass up food, avoid any social situation where I would have to eat, and made sure that I was burning more calories than I ate. . I began to get faster and faster and was the fastest girl on our team. I remember my dad feeling so proud of me. He was the best runner I know and so I loved seeing him live through me. My parents would try to come to as many races as possible and I wanted to do my best since they traveled so far to see me run for only 19 minutes. They didn't travel to see me lose. I wanted to make them proud of me. I remember one race I ran at Virginia Tech and the top 5 got a VT t-shirt. My little brother who means the world to me loves VT and I wanted to win him the shirt! Every race I ran was for my school,my family, and to bring honor to Christ. I thought every race when I was tired of Hebrews 12:1, and Phil 4:13. Eventually, all the miles and hard training took a tole on my my body and it got out of control. I became very weak and my periods stopped. I got down to 100pds.Sadly, even though I was so weak, I wanted to lose more! My parents became very concerned and every time I would go home they would threaten me that they were going to make me quit school if I didn't gain weight. All we ever did was fight anymore. I knew that if I didn't go home, I could still continue on the way I was...or so I thought. I went to the Dr. and told her about missing my periods. She said it was due to the running and not eating enough. I ignored her! She was wrong!! She ran test after test and nothing showed up. I was in denial that I was sick. I was just a skinny runnergirl!!! That summer my Mom finally cracked down on me...every meal was a fighting battle. My Dad made deals with me to try to make me gain weight. My parents did the best they could, but all the yelling and fighting just made me want to keep on going even more. But, my mom got me a book by Natalie Grant(my favorite Christian artist) called Being the girl God sees. I read it in one day. Something clicked that day. Natalie was a bulemic and she wrote the book to tell her story. She talked about how God saw her and not how she saw herself. From then on I knew that I wanted to start living more for Christ and treating my body how he would want. I began writing down everything I ate and making sure I got 1,000cal more a day than I needed. Gaining weight was awful!! But, I did it!! My parents couldn't make me, nor any Dr, it had to be up to me. Every meal was a fighting battle with my mind. I was so close to God during that time because I felt like he was all I had. He was the one who could cure me. He is the ultimate healer.